VERSION 1 OF PRESS RELEASE...
"Dear Stupid Customers - noisy? That means you have CRAPPY SPEAKERS and need a massive upgrade. Fortunately, with this purchase, here's a $5 savings for any of our $2,000 gamer-certified speaker systems.
(Construction crews, forklift and all other equipment, as well as home-remodeling licenses are not included.)"
VERSION 2 is being perfected at this very moment, mentioning how this NOW presents you, Dear Customer, with a great chance to 'upgrade' your gamer speaker system. They are also working on ZIP code based links for construction firms to visit with their certified uniforms. Er, at least logo'd pocket protectors.