I have just read back over this thread and see that you can play the Dvd20ne output, through your Player software ok, so the structure/ifos etc. must be ok.
I doubt very much if it's a Dvd2one issue with ifos. My guess would be your burning software has a problem/conflict somewhere.
It might be a good idea to uninstall RNM and reinstall it, this may clear the problem. If not try another program. The latest Nero is now good and you can try it free, with the trial copy, to see.
It could still be a good idea to update your aspi drivers though, whatever program you use.
My thinking is based on the fact that RNM crashes & gives you a Windows error message, which suggests that XP is having trouble, with the RNM process. Your theory about RNM rejecting an incorrectly built ifo, seems logical, but I really dont think RNM is that clever, I am sure that, like Nero, it probably only checks to see that the right type of files are present.
Try an uninstall/reinstall first & see how you get on. Remember also that burning software doesn't always like to co-exist with other burning software, so uninstall one before installing another.