^It’s all very logical. We would ask: what if your loo isn’t in the bathroom
Normally 5 am wake up - wondering why I’ve woken up; then listen to radio or podcast then fall asleep again. Get woken up at 6.30 by youngest daughter all dressed and ready for school, then we both wake up the elder one for the first time.
Spend the next 45 min continuously nagging the elder to get out of bed, to be on time for the train just like her younger sister who is strangely a model of punctuality in this scenario. Stop rapidly escalating fight about who has who’s comb/brush/skirt. Then intervene in secondary shouting match about who has the PE/dance/swimming kit that was borrowed by secret arrangement, and promised to be returned in time when needed. Wonder why the two PE/dance/swimming kits I forked out for seem to have merged into one, which is apparently languishing and growing mould in a locker somewhere. Then notice something and tell younger daughter she can’t wear that much make-up to school. Cue the tears, flouncing, storming off, thumping around upstairs; followed in five min by her plonking down next to me and staring rigidly at TV. Then for sake of family harmony, acquiesce to the approx 10% less makeup than before . Make toast, pancakes, coffee, sometimes sandwiches. Give them piece of fruit plus a KitKat (that I know will be eaten first). Fruitlessly rummage around in bag for small change, that of course doesn’t exist in the right combination, for them both to get train tickets/school dinners. See the younger off with kisses out the door, then shout at elder that she has two min before train is missed. More heavy footwork down the stairs indicates a clear move to get out before non-compliant dress code is noticed. By this time I don’t care unless I get a school letter. More kisses and finally they’re both gone.
Have about 10 min of peace to myself to drink coffee, eat gnawed remains of croissant or toast crusts; if lucky, with marmite on. Iron shirt. Look at trousers and decide they’ll do.
Look in on CDF and see who’s been naughty. Wish could sin-bin own children… then realise I can. Wonder how many worlds am existing in.
Set off for work: 50 min journey underground. Only true time away from everything, since mobiles and pagers and bleeps don’t work down there. And thank the Lord for that.