Methinks .. I'd create a "Sealed section" for over 18's (and for under 18's that lie about their birthdate).
I'd create a "noob free" forum where all posting users require more than 366 post count.
I'd create a new "Appz, Warez & Downloadz" forum & would disable the "new thread" button so that no-one can post in it
I'd close all threads with last post more than 2 months old, and archive it, so it could be accessed, but never resurrected.
Give derogatory custom user titles to those desperately deserving them & rename "new to forum" with noob.
All noobs would automatically get a "NOOB" image as their avatar, until they figured out how to upload their own avatar. Something like a Brain with the NO symbol (The circle with the stripe across it in red. ie no smoking symbol ) and NOOB written across the line in bright blue.
All noobs would automatically get a "Noob" signature, something like "Even if I knew what I was doing, I would still be a noob!" or "Do I look like I know what I'm doing?"
Link posting would be banned from users with less than 150 posts.
Noobs would be limited from posting more than 15 messages a day.
All new messages/threads from noobs would be cross referenced with previous posts (within the last few days) & would be deleted if it's a crosspost.
All email addresses would be automatically parsed and removed from messages. Email addies can be sent via PM.