To The Person or Persons

Who sneaked into my house and replaced all of my trousers with miniature copies, return the originals immediately…This is not funny, and if I am forced to find you on my own, you will regret having been involved in this nefarious deed…I am presently grilling the resident animals, and it’s just a matter of time until they break, or reach medium rare, whichever comes first…
I have limitless resources and worldwide contacts, so your days are numbered…

Signed
pipemanid - “I never met a cannoli I didn’t like
Formerly Known As
The Lean Mean Fighting Machine

I think that someone has chosen you for the reverse role of the Incredible Shrinking Man . If this be the case may i request an autograph before you become famous and the line for getting one becomes filled with flirtatious women and men who flatter you just to spend a few moments in your company…

Yo Big D-

(and I don’t mean Dallas)

Those same nogoodsumbitches were in my place recently too - seemed to go after the older pants though - like the ones from ten years ago - and with the ones that they left - well damned if I can get them over my butt - or my package - let alone button them closed-

Wonder if this is going on nation wide-

Should we notify Homeland Security-eh?

(Edit - nevermind - Homeland Security is not listed in the phone book - and FEMA’s phone number translates to 1-800-you-kidin)

In the event you are correct, and it’s a possibility, albeit small :rolleyes: , my autograph would then become valuable and very difficult to obtain because of the problems associated with getting close enough to my largess…But I will be proud to provide you with one…All the rest will have to wait in line and wave their credit cards franticaly with the hope of catching my attention…

Note: I don’t accept paypal…

I was thinking of converting to paganism, but where the hell can you find sacrificial virgins these days?

Obviously a clever bunch is going around the country, or maybe the globe, and causing this chaos…
Maybe we were selected because we’re such studs?

The Department of Homeland Security has been notified and an APB (All Pants Bulletin) has been issued…

I tried calling FEMA also and gave up at the point where they asked “If this call is about an Impending Nuclear Attack, hit 4 and wait for an operator to assist you…And have a nice day”…

[B]Surgeon General’s Warning:
The above comments may make no sense.
Same for the comments below.[/B]

Yo Big D-

(and I don’t mean Dallas)

This may be an epidemic-

Maybe we should call in the big guns like George W and Cornhole Rice-eh?

They could give it their 2 second scrutiny - allocate 20 billion to it - and subcontract it to Haliburton-

You and I could become consultants - charge outrageous ‘pantsfinder fees’ - and cleanup-eh!

he hee heee the only clean up you know is on isle 3 bounty :wink: :eek:

Show some respect toward the new Chief Executive Vice President of Pantsfinders Inc…Soon to be wealthy beyond even your imagination…
The stock option scam alone will make Billie G look like a pauper in comparison…

We will need a Super Executive Vice President of Pants Inspection…Interested?

“You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.” - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

nah i wanna inspect those PantLess ones :wink: if possible…

You got it…
Your new title, providing it’s acceptable to you, is Super Executive Vice President of PantsLess Inspections…
Welcome aboard…

Invention is the mother of necessity./.

EDIT Not to tell you how to do your job, but if I were in your position, My first order would be be for everyone to “Drop Their Droopers”

Is this job still available? I just checked my closet and my trousers are also M.I.A. :doh: I am determined to get to the bottom of this with you guys and bring these…these lowlife pants stealers to justice! [and i want tons of money :bigsmile:]

Hey S_S! I lost my pants…now you’re gonna inspect me right? :stuck_out_tongue:

Are you located in the Tri Cities area? If you are, we will need an Under Secretary of PantLess Inspections, reporting directly to S_S…Or actually, under S_S, hence the title…
I like your enthusiasm…and your greed…You’re going to go far in this organization…

To people that say “I could care less” - well, why don’t you?

I live about an hour from Tri-Cities. Not a bad commute considering the insane amount of cash i’d be getting :bigsmile:. My enthusiasm and greed will be my driving force for doing the best i can :p. I accept the job :smiley:

Yo-

Just the mention of dropping pants - and next thing you know - we will have to deal with Bill Clinton - and you know how he is with trainees-eh!

Think that the next best thing is to appeal to GW and CR for more money and maybe some National Guardsmen to help find these nogoodsumbitch pants stealers-

It’s a freekin’ national disgrace - and may be bigger than Katrina, Loma Prieta, Northridge, Whitewater and Little Bighorn combined-eh!

(btw - what was my title in all this - would really like for ‘thong inspector’ to be in there somewhere)

Damn I’m proud to be associated with such a fine, upstanding, greedy individual…
Welcome aboard Under Secretary of PantLess Inspection wazzy…

“Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.” - Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

Thank you for the job good sir. I won’t let you down in the least. I’m proud to be the official Under Secretary of Pantless Inspection. :bigsmile:

As Senior Executive Vice President of Pantsfinders Inc., you have obviously put a lot of thought and comparative research into this endeavor…Feel free to revise your title as you see fit…

Today pants, tomorrow thongs…Who knows what next week…

If it can’t be done wrong… it can’t be done. /.

EDIT Remember now, no inhaling…

And in the immortal world of General George Armstrong Custer “Holy cow, look at all the fuc*ing Indians”

The got to me too. They not only replaced my pants, they got my belt too.
I think they got in by hidding in the icecream containers. Thats when I started seeing them shrink. I hope they haven’t gotten in my hard drive! :confused:

Excellent catch…I forgot to check my belt…

I don’t think they got in here via the ice cream containers, because mine are stored in the freezer in the garage…And they don’t last that long…Thanks for the tip though…
Your relevant information has been forwarded to S_S for the mandatory inspection…
Hang tough…We’re closing in and it’s only a matter of time…

Signed
[B]pipemanid[/B] “[I]Can you supersize that ice cream cone please[/I]”

Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. - Stephen Wright