Those pesky geopolitical neighbors

This was published in the London Observer, written by Terry Jones of Monty
Python fame.

To The Observer:
I’m really excited by George Bush’s latest reason for bombing Iraq:
He’s running out of patience. And so am I!
For some time now I’ve been really pissed off with Mr. Johnson,
who lives a couple of doors down the street.

Well, him and Mr. Patel, who runs the health food shop.
They both give me queer looks, and I’m sure
Mr. Johnson is planning something nasty for me,
but so far I haven’t been able to discover what.

I’ve been round to his place a few times to see what he’s up to,
but he’s got everything well hidden.
That’s how devious he is.

As for Mr. Patel, don’t ask me how I know, I just know -
from very good sources that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer.
I have leafleted the street telling them that
if we don’t act first, he’ll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I’ve got proof,
why don’t I go to the police?
But that’s simply ridiculous.
The police will say that they need evidence of a crime
with which to charge my neighbours.

They’ll come up with endless red tape and quibbling
about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike
and all the while Mr. Johnson will be finalising
his plans to do terrible things to me,
while Mr. Patel will be secretly murdering people.

Since I’m the only one in the street with a decent range
of automatic firearms, I reckon
it’s up to me to keep the peace.
But until recently that’s been a little difficult.

Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear
that all I need to do is run out of patience,
and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!

And let’s face it, Mr. Bush’s carefully thought-
out policy towards Iraq is the only way
to bring about international peace and security.

The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist
suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK
is to bomb a few Muslim countries
that have never threatened us.

That’s why I want to blow up Mr. Johnson’s garage
and kill his wife and children. Strike first!
That’ll teach him a lesson.

Then he’ll leave us in peace and stop peering at me
in that totally unacceptable way.
Mr. Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know
before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really
nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction -
even if no one can find them.

I’m certain I’ve just as much justification
for killing Mr. Johnson’s wife and children as
Mr. Bush has for bombing Iraq.
Mr. Bush’s long-term aim is to make the world
a safer place by eliminating
‘rogue states’ and ‘terrorism’.

It’s such a clever long-term aim because
how can you ever know when you’ve achieved it?
How will Mr. Bush know when he’s wiped out all terrorists?
When every single terrorist is dead?

But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
once he’s committed an act of terror.
What about would-be terrorists?
These are the ones you really want to eliminate,
since most of the known terrorists,
being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr. Bush needs to wipe out everyone
who could possibly be a future terrorist?
Maybe he can’t be sure he’s achieved his objective
until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead?

But then some moderate Muslims might
convert to fundamentalism.
Maybe the only really safe thing to do
would be for Mr. Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
It’s the same in my street.

Mr. Johnson and Mr. Patel are
just the tip of the iceberg.
There are dozens of other people in the street
who I don’t like and who - quite frankly -
look at me in odd ways.

No one will be really safe until I’ve wiped them all out.
My wife says I might be going too
far but I tell her I’m simply using the same logic
as the President of the United States.
That shuts her up.

Like Mr. Bush, I’ve run out of patience,
and if that’s a good enough reason for the President,
it’s good enough for me.

I’m going to give the whole street two weeks -
no, 10 days - to come out in the open
and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers,
galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds,
and if they don’t hand them over nicely
and say ‘Thank you’,
I’m going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It’s just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing -
and, in contrast to what he’s intending,
my policy will destroy only one street.

That is one of the most disturbing things I have read. Seriously, I am not laughing. Terry Jones’ logic is perfect. It seems so true to the way that “if you are not with US you are against US” theme is now running. The deaths of 2 Heads of State would be a huge step in restoring World Peace. What sort of world is my 10 year old daughter growing up in?:Z

Great article…read it all the way through the end (which is rare for me while at work, to read such a long story).

Will pass it along

A good read indeed. Plus it’s nice to see I’m not the only one thinking the same way in this forum. Will pass it along too.

Ok, I hope this doesnt degrade into another “Bush is dumb” thread. Will keep personal bias and hate to minimum…

Just out of curiosity, how will doing nothing help? The problem isnt going to go away because the European Union and the UN wish it to. The whole reasoning behind the war is that the Saddumpster violated UN resolution 1441. Whether or not he is a terrorist lover or ever supported them is just an accessory issue.

-The Al-Samoud missiles are a blatant violation of the resolution. The guy was never supposed to have them and he was supposed to list them but he never did.

-He is only co-operating because he is stalling for time. Seriously, who can believe him when he says that he needs a full day to destroy 4 missiles? South Africa and the Eastern bloc countries were able to destroy their missiles by the dozens.

-UN weapon inspectors are not allowed to have real personal conversations with the scientists because of Saddams secret police. No scientists are willing to come forward when they face death if they tell the truth. If the inspectors were allowed to take these scientists out of country and talk with them, I am sure a few “surprises” would be discovered.

-What happened to the stockpiles of VX gas and anthrax that saddma had stockpiled and created during the 1980’s? He said that he destroyed them but no one ever witnessed their destruction.

Just a scary thought. I was watching a documentary on TV where they interviewed the Iraqi chief nuclear scientist who defected to the US. He said that Iraq was only a year or so away from making a nuclear bomb or a crude device when the US invaded. Many more defectors claim that Saddam sped up the program after the Gulf War. It was grimly funny how when Saddam first asked scientists to to build him a nuke, some stated that it was in violation of the NPT (Nuclear Proliferation Treaty). What did he do? He either killed them or sent them to prison camps until they could not pronounce NPT.

War must not be undertaken lightly and must have some sort of goal that will benefit society. This war is made out to be about oil by critics, terrorism by fervent patriots. But if you look at it it should really be about upholding the laws that the UN has set. It has to prove its usefulness to people like me and a large portion of the world or atleast the US. I would be glad to see it go.

While this war might cause some retribution in the form of terrorism, it will not be that great. Most Arabs in the region would like to see Saddam go. Those that are willing ot commit acts of terrorism would have done it anyway, war or no war. They will just speed up their time table

It is a shame that most of the people in the arab world are educated in hating the US and are so full of hate and religious propoganda that they cannot see their own faults. An interesting piece of graffiti was written on the wall of the former US embassy in Tehran: “The day the US will praise us, we will weep” . These people are brought up hating the US. The governments use this hate to divert attention from their own mistakes and corrupt ways. When the US no longer stops being the enemy in the eyes of the people, the arab governments are screwed.

Unfortunately many of these governments refuse to allow that. Through religious “education” and strict control of the media as well as other methods, the US is never given a chance or an opportunity to act fairly. Kids grow up burning the US flag for no other reason other than because their government tells them to or their “society” considers it the norm.

Saddam plans to put military installations near mosques, hospitals, orphanages and use human shields to protect himself. In the end the innocents always die. The US will be painted as murderers by Saddam and by people like Terry Jones. He says that he will kill the wife and children of the man he is trying to get as well. Now, its not like the US is aiming for these orphanages, hospitals, mosques, etc. The real criminal is Saddam for putting his military hardware there, knowing full well what is going to happen. Is a pilot not supposed to react to something shooting at him? When he releases the bomb, he is taking care of the threat; Saddam is killing the people. No one in the world is going to see that. What they will see are American bombs falling on innocent “bystanders” and that the image of America as a cold hearted killer is once again reinforced. Saddam is responsible for the deaths of those people just as much as the physical bomb.

I dont like Saddam. I dont like fundamentalist muslims. I dont like the Middle East, period.

This was my opinion, you are free to disagree. Got to put on my O’Reilly face for the responses I am about to get…

As a side note, I think we are going to be seeing alot of posturing by North Korea over the next few weeks. I am praying that it does not escalate to anything more than posturing, because if it does we are in for much darker times.

I will leave you with an excellent quote:

“A strange game. The only winning move is not to play”
-WOPR In the movie “War Games” after learning the futility of “playing” Global Thermonuclear War by playing a seemingly endless series of games of Tic-Tac-Toe with itself

Just out of curiosity, how will doing nothing help?
I cannot remember anyone who has suggested that one should do nothing.

I was watching a documentary on TV
On which program? Don’t forgot that TV stations usually broadcast whatever helps gaining publicity. Ours do (remember my New-Laws-For-Games-In-Germany-Thread), and what I get from NBC or BBC, they do as well.

But one thing is obvious: When watching reports about the very same issue on 2 different programs, broadcasted in 2 different langages, you will get 2 different points of views.

-What happened to the stockpiles of VX gas and anthrax that saddma had stockpiled and created during the 1980’s? He said that he destroyed them but no one ever witnessed their destruction.
I think the inspectors said that they don’t know either, and this is what is going to be written in their next report.
The soil is going to be analyzed in order to retrieve further information as to what had happened to these stockpiles.

It is a shame that most of the people in the arab world are educated in hating the US and are so full of hate and religious propoganda that they cannot see their own faults.
Who is educated without any propaganda?

If you want to find unprejudiced information, you will have to gather pieces from different sources (meaning in different languages; and certainly not 3rd-hand-translated versions!) and then try to filter the propaganda parts, based on differences in content.

War is unavoidable perhaps , but i am more curious on the WHY of the war than the HOW and WHEN of the war.

President Bush and his minions (Powell for instance) tried over and over and over again to motivate starting a war. Up to this moment , it has been unsuccessful to let me agree on this war.

We have some facts :

  • Iraq Gulf War
  • September 11
  • Weird laws and international fear of terrorists
  • Iraq Gulf War II pending

I have no clue wether the above 4 facts are implications of each other , motivate changes or can be reasoned.

Naturally every news station is going to show what the common mass wants. Blood , agression , angry mobs , control. Nothing is more dull than peace. Peace is fucking boring.

A lot of people seem not to agree that President Bush wants to go to war with Iraq and a lot might agree that the dictator Saddam should be exterminated.

You cannot tell me that a technological advanced country as The United States Of America has not have the power to wipe out entire countries of the face of the earth , let alone one single person. They’ve shown that enough during World War II.

Thing is , how do you get away with it ? Is it defense ? Is it offense ? And do people need a reason for it ?

Is there … in fact … a real war going on there ? ( Ever seen the movie Wag The Dog ??? )

So far , there are peope on this planet who are more convinced they have had a better education than President Bush , becuase he occasionally act like a complete retard ! You don’t expect from mighty world leaders that they claim false things , motive people for the wrong reasons and invent things like “the axis of evil”.
Using religion as an additional motivator makes it even more untrustworthy for me.

If from day 1 President Bush would be a responsible , motivated and well educated president , who knows when to speak , how to speak and why to speak ; i think he would have the support of most of the people on the planet.

But no … President Bush acts more like a puppet , acts before he thinks , amazes friend and foe by his lack of knowledge of common things and speaks words a world leader should not speak.

I’m not saying i can do a better job. I’m not even sure if i ever wanted to do something political in my whole life. I may not be fit to decide for a lot of people what is best for them. But i’m pretty sure that i wouldn’t talk to the people in the way President Bush is doing at the moment. (Well ok… RedHatted may be an exception for me:) ).

And now he wants support of the rest of the world , so that he can’t be questioned when he’s acting… at least not while he is still president.

Mr President. you’re a world leader. Start acting like one.

Nice story. :slight_smile:

Other than that this thread is turning into another political discussion

Ok, I hope this doesnt degrade into another “Bush is dumb” thread.

Other than that this thread is turning into another political discussion
oops :wink:

However, I have not written personal opinions on political matters: I have merely repeated general information provided by others, as well as given my impression about the general reliability of information given by TV stations. (Note that “propaganda” does not only refer to policy; it is also well suited in connection with RIAA, violent games, M$ or DVD±)

Originally posted by Upp3rd0G
[B]Nice story. :slight_smile:

Other than that this thread is turning into another political discussion… [/B]

perhaps , but it was my intention to question the reason of the war and the acting of President Bush. I’m not saying anyone is actually dumb or bring up the huge political mumbo jumbo that surrounds this sort of topics.

If my post has been too much political and too little neutral , feel free to delete it.

To prevent things from getting out of hand (not saying they do at the moment) I will close this topic now and read through it more thoroughly after work and perhaps reopen it then.

[update]
Although I cannot really see a real violation in this thread, it can easily progress to a thread that results in heated discussions about the USA and Bush as its president.

I believe noone wants a war, a war cannot bring real victory without losses, every life lost is one too many.

So to prevent this thread to take a turn for the bad, I have decided this will remain closed, nothing personally and certainly not directed to anyone who posted in this thread.

Da_Taxman
[/update]