This One Is Just For Da Taxman

vbimport

#1

Yo Tax-

Here y’all go-eh!

TEN HUSBANDS

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously
divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
“Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin”.

“What?” Said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you’ve
been married ten times?

Her reply:

Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it’s
going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was
supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and call me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out
diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order,
he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted
three years to research, implement and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew
how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never
sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was … it. God I
miss him!

“But now I have married you, I’m so excited!”

“Good”, said the husband, “but why?”

“You’re a Tax Man…This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

:iagree: :iagree: :bigsmile:


#2

A man walks into the mall followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the mall someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged, unremarkable man in a gray suit is sitting at the inevitable Starbucks in the mall, reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the mall. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but just barely) the man carefully takes hold of the kid’s testicles and squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the man catches in his free hand.

Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his coffee and his paper without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him. The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father’s thanks. As the man is about to leave, the father asks one last question: “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or something like that?”

“Oh, good heavens, no”, the man replies, “I work for the IRS.”

A young hotshot gets a job with the Tax Office. His first assignment is to audit an old Rabbi. He thinks he’ll have a little fun with the old Rabbi, so he says, “Rabbi, what do you do with the drippings from the candle?”

The Rabbi says, "We send them to the candle maker, and every once in a while they send us a free candle.

The kid says, “And what do you do with the crumbs from your table?”

The Rabbi says, “We send them to the matzoh ball bakery, and every once in a while they send us a free box of matzoh balls.”

The kid says, “And what do you do with the foreskins from your circumcisions?”

The Rabbi says, “We send them to the Tax Office, and every once in a while they send us a little prick like you.”

They should belong in the official jokes thread…but you can bring all tax related jokes here as far as I am concerned (but Wendy and Lin may rule otherwise at their discretion…their forum you know :wink: )


#3

Yes!
Beware the Lin & Wends :wink: