I'm a big fan of puns and jokes that play on words, and I always like a laugh so I thought we'd see how many groaners you folks can come up with.
Here's a few to start things off and apologies in advance.
You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle!
So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."
So this guy says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-Hoover's witness".
So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."
A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it finally happened, he was chuffed to bits!
So I went down to the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".