So, we all have questions. And sometimes it seems like everybody knows the answer, except you. And you think people’ll laugh at you if you ask them. Or they’re insanely difficult, and people run away screaming. Either way, ask them here. We wont laugh. Okay, maybe we will, but this is the internets (aka a-series-of-tubes) and hey, what did you expect?

I’ll start with a very easy question, I have no doubt, but I still cant find the answer.

How does 1-800-CALL-NUMBER work?
The text. How do I decode that part?

I think the magic phone fairy waves her wand and the call is magically free.

And i have a question. How does the traffic lights know to turn to [B]red[/B] just as you approach them?

why do we have to leave the seat down , why cant girls leave it up?? Politeness?? Hmmph. Its no less inconvenient for guys to lift the seat every time we need a leak than it would be for girls to put the seat down. I suppose it might be down to the aesthetics too lol :Z

Well that one’s easy.

Englands CCTV-powered car identification system is the worlds best you know. A capacity of 50 million vehicles a day.

You’re not supposed to call letters!

You’re supposed to write letters and send letters!

All those intar-web tubes have gotten you confused, but people have been writing and sending letters for hundreds of years.

No need to thank me - it’s all in a day’s work.

And now to my questions:

Why is there always one sock without a partner after I have washed and dried my clothes? Where do those socks escape to? Can I have them back, please?

The “word” part of the phone number is actually still numbers. Look at your mobile phone. It has both numbers and the letters on it. Those letters are just numbers covered in alphabet soup

1 = ABC
2 = DEF
3 = etc…

So now play the subsitute game and just replace the letters you had with the numbers.

1-800-1363212

The sock elves take them.

My question: why do people always call when you’re in the bath/on the toilet?

Why do you think!!!

Ah, only press once. I see. It wont spell correctly tho, but my way lead to very long numbers.

Vacuum Bottles…They can keep things hot or cold…How does it know?

Why thats easy! Remember that time your landlord replaced your bathroom lighting?

Britains face recognition system is the worlds best!

Good question, the answer must be “it doesnt”?

Why is it that the person who snores is the first to fall asleep?

What I think is Airhead might be onto something

clears throat Why Did the Chicken ACTUALLY cross the road?

Because they were mad at each other, and the road was easily offended?
Because it was too chicken to stay?
Because it was egged on to cross?
Because the grass is always greener on the other side?
Because there was a crossroads sign and it was just learning to read?
To get to the other side?

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a chicken which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
princely chicken’s dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the
objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came
into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored)
reason.

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken
availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn’t want its mother to see it like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken’s wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This chicken’s not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One’s social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o’er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable: To get a better view.

Yo Big D-

(and I don’t mean Discourse)-

Damn man - I’m [B][I][U]IMPRESSED[/U][/I][/B]-eh!

Why do women need so many pairs of shoes?

Because, for women, fashion-ness is in nowhere connected to the durability, logic, usefullness, price and lifetime of a product.

My question: Who invented the pizza?

It’d look silly to have only one shoe.