The Funniest Thing About Australia(ns)

In order to fight the Aussie-Borg Conspiracy ™ , i have come up with a poll to mock them.

Choose thy sterotype … now !

Flying Doctors, the worlds first reality-TV!

Definition of an Aussie…an Irish that got caught…:slight_smile:

For what it’s worth…as an American…our founding fathers were about the same lot…:slight_smile:

I couldn’t see,

“Bung another shrimp on the barbi, Shela” anywhere so I voted for the soaps.

Originally posted by Womble
[B]I couldn’t see,

“Bung another shrimp on the barbi, Shela” anywhere so I voted for the soaps. [/B]

I’ve been an Occer since 3-Sep-1978, and I’ve never “thrown another shrimp on the barbi”
They’re bloody prawns.
Shrimps are small wussy blokes.
And I’m not pulling the raw prawn on ya either :stuck_out_tongue:

The beer needs to be watery cos it is a thirsty country. Other countries in the world are freaking freezing 11 months of the year.
Oz is too hot 364 1/4 days a year, so we need cold watery beer, not like the weird poms Warm beer gives me the shudders .
The alcohol content is similar to other beers in the world, it just doesn’t slide down ya throat like the mud they serve in german :wink:

I can’t help but also think, that all these lame aussie exports have got to go somewhere… so who’s the galah?

Either way, the buyers/viewers are a bunch of barrys.

And my personal ancestors were migrants that weren’t a bunch of crims :stuck_out_tongue: although I know alot of people that proudly claim their ancestors came over on the first fleet ( as if that’s a good thing).
My ancestors.
Scotland, 1894 - Free will.
Hungary - 1896 - Free will via New Zealand (Stopped off for a quicky) Baaaaaaaaaaaa
Germany - 1952 - By invitation (Oz was short on sheila’s)

Nuff said.

hehehehe . :wink:

Oh, and Sheila is simply slang for “woman”.
I don’t think I’ve actually met or heard of any women by the name of sheila.

Now I’ve got to go and chase a herd of drop bears (Evil carniverous koalas) out of my yard with a big stick, before they eat my blue heeler.

Sounds like Michigan…minus the teddy bears…LOL

Originally posted by ZigZagMan
Sounds like Michigan…minus the teddy bears…LOL

Lol :slight_smile:

Michigan has rabbit skin hats too? With corks hanging from em? :slight_smile:

I’ve never heard the word Sheila used for a woman…unless you are from Nothern Territory…:wink:

corks are for bottles…ignore my hat…LOL

Originally posted by ZigZagMan
corks are for bottles…ignore my hat…LOL

You’ve obviously never spent any time with my sister.
I can think of a better use for a bloody cork!

I suspect she eats nothing except peas and lentils when she’s expecting family.

For the non-australian amongst us… a bit of information as to why we are just sooooo funny…:

Oi ! - This was made popular by an Australian Football Leaguer (AFL) named Mark “Jacko” (or our “Whacko Jacko”) Jackson. His use of this term was prolific, even it related to his 2 (what’s another word for not quite a hit?) songs and his battery advertisements. He also appeared in a US made futuristic fugitive style TV series that the name escapes me at the moment…

Mate ! - A definite and distinctive adaption of Mother-England’s term “Mate !”. The US have “buddy” and “Pal”. NZ (See reference “New home of the Acadamy Awards”) also use Mate, as they long to be Australians…Just ask every good band or academy award winning actor that has come from there…

Their lame excuse for beer - granted, but at least it’s alcoholically stronger that the majority of domestic beers in the US. As someone has already pointed out, we drink an extremely large amount of it for a small nation, but that has something to do with the trauma caused by Drop-Bears…

Koala’s - These appear as sluggish as a three-toed sloth, but the buggers can move when there’s a bushfire or prodding tourist. You also can’t eat them, as they’re poisonous - from all the eucalyptus leaves they eat :wink: They’re male mating habits are extremely vicious, and I’m assuming that’s how the drop bear legend became - they fall off sometimes while “doin’ it”!

Kangaroo’s - A scientist decades ago tried to prove that these animals couldn’t possibly leave the ground mathematically, but fortunately, 'Roos can’t do calculus. (they can count, just ask Skippy!). They share our national emblem with the Emu (and for all you “ooo” pronouncing types, it’s pronounced “Eee’m’Youu”

Steve Irwin - Our favourite baby-dangler… He apparently got the way he is from his father. Crikey! He must’ve poked him up the clakker with a stick! Holy Smokes!

Flying Doctors - The TV series or the actual service? The service isn’t that funny, as it’s the most efficient travel method in regional and desert areas of Aus. Stop laughing…Now, OK?

Stupid soaps - granted, but you have to blame our younger population for their poor quality… but then again, how can we compare to the quality of something real and tangible as the goings on in “Days of Our Lives”?

It’s a country created by criminals - you forgot “run by criminals, owned by criminals and will be eventually destroyed by criminals”… but that seems to be like every other in the world at the moment. The country was built essentially by people stealing bread to be sent anywhere else other than England. Some of them got good conditions, some got bad, and some died on the way here. Some of those criminals can now be found on our currency both past and present (does that include the Queen???)

The native people think the world was dreamt. - The “DreamTime” references are about how things came to be, not how they are now. You also must take into account that their folklore was pass on by mouth and images, not by writing. We all know how chinese whispers occurs and how bad some people are at pictionary, so go figure!

Other amusing features: We have both the largest proportion of the top tem most deadly snakes and most deadly spiders in the world, we have a former world No. 1 golfer nicknamed after an abundantly found shark in Aus waters, we nowadays eat Kangaroo meat, we invented the Hills’ Hoist clothes line, we have tourist attractions that are simply “Big” things (the Big Sheep, the Big Banana, the Big Prawn, etc) and we are not in any way close to being the example of us being set by our Prime Minister, John Howard!

Any other Aussies want to add or correct my list, please do so…

Cheers, mate! Oi! you an’ ya Sheila upfra barbi next weekend? I’l bring the VB’s!

GWD

Originally posted by GWD
[B]Any other Aussies want to add or correct my list, please do so…

Cheers, mate! Oi! you an’ ya Sheila upfra barbi next weekend? I’l bring the VB’s! [/B]

Onya digger :slight_smile:

I’ll bring me mates, and my didgeridoo :wink:
You’ll know us, cos we’ll be riding the wallaby’s :wink:

I’ll also bring some emu snags :wink:

I won’t pretend to be an Aussie…don’t need too…I’m Irish…but if the beer is cold…I’m there hoss…:slight_smile:

Originally posted by debro
[B]Onya digger :slight_smile:

I’ll bring me mates, and my didgeridoo :wink:
You’ll know us, cos we’ll be riding the wallaby’s :wink:

I’ll also bring some emu snags :wink: [/B]

Hey, mate… you ain’t mockin’ me, arya? I thought you was a top bloke, but it’s lookin’ like I’ll have to get Russ to come an sort you out… an’ ya know how he is after a few schooners!!! :wink:

I can’t believe he got married in coffs!
At least it wasn’t grafton.

Grafton would have been good after the reception though :wink:
Would have only taken russ 3 minutes to get to where he needed to be after those schooners :wink:

Actually, I think Oz should borrow from it’s english heritage and demand yard glasses for our beer, or at least give em to the girls :wink:

Did someone say “Wet T-shirt Comp?” :bigsmile:

I guess not :wink:

I could just imagine that if blokes were as sentimental about their weddings as girls, then their’d be a brisk trade in thongs :wink:

And I do have a didgeridoo , wallaby and emu snags.

The didgeridoo though has redbacks in it, cos it’s been lying out the back for the last few years.
The wallabys are wild, and eat the bloody roses.
The emu snags ya can lay your hands on in Coles :iagree:

And I’ve had my grey akubra since I was 3, and I’ve worn it all of thrice in my whole life :wink:

Originally posted by debro
I can’t believe he got married in coffs!

What’s wrong with coff’s? My great, great grandfather (give or take a couple of greats)discovered coff’s harbour.

What’s wrong wid it? They’ve got a big banana!

I have this memory of swimming at the beach and this giant turd attacking me :expressionless:

Of course, when you’re only 4, everything is big.

But skeptics DID say that 3KM’s wasn’t far enough out for sewerage to get washed back in :wink:

Apart from that, it’s a city, and doesn’t have enough water to be sustainable.

So now it’s trying to mooch off the water supplys of all the surrounding areas.

So far, the local council in my hometown has told them they can shove it where the sun don’t shine :slight_smile:

It’s only a matter of time (time is money) though before a few of the councillors get a BIG bonus for betraying their area :slight_smile: