OK, I figured it out, and hate MS. Apparently, turning off enable digital sound checkbox in device manager doesnt make it global, you must also disbale it in options in winamp and media player. Then the user gains control of each optical drive individually, and has control over it in the Play Control Center.
Hope this helps anyone else wondering.
Oh yea, I still think MS sucks for not making it global by turning that feature off. Even if you have it checked to use digital sound, other software still follow their own settings.
 Well this still doesnt help my original problem of using headphones to listen to my dvd's because neither powerdvd nor windows media player send output anywhere but digital speakers, and the front of the dvd drive wont override. [/edit]