see my father passed away when i was a little child, so i never knew that i had to um…wash my…you know. after my father died, my grama attempted to wash it for me, but the moment she open the outer skin and touch the interior, i begin to cry, because it hurts, it hurts so very…very…much. i was 3 years old.
from then on i refuse to wash it, since a slight touch on the interior feels like somone ripping my skin off my whole body or someone jabs a knife into me then pulls it out and jabs it in to me, IT"S THAT PAINFUL, it’s that excruciating.
by the time i was 12 years old i find a way to open it by myself without having the interior making contact with anything thus no pain…but i only manage to get to half way, becasue the other half is…stuck.
stuck as in, i pull on it, and it won’t…peel, it’s like i perma glue a poster to a wall. and evrytime i tried touching the interior, it still hutrts, even though it’s already been 10 years, it still hurts inside.
i never talked to anyone because i have noone left anyways, but soon, it began to itch, and not long after there were pimples on the outer skin, then the itching got worst and it was so bad that i couldn’t sleep. but i ignored the problem up until this day, it still hurts when i touch the interior, i wash it all the time and i still can’t get to the other half, the itching is bad, as always, and the pimple like stuff has already spread throughout the other skin, i still don’t want to see a doctor, because i’m scared that he might…well…take it off.
on the other hand i know if i don’t go to him then in the future the whole thing might really need to come off, but i’m so scared! here are my worries:
1: i know i need an operation to remove the other skin, and i know they’ll put that thing on my nose and drug me to sleep, i’ve seen some documentrys where ppl never woke up form the drug effect and slept for 30 years or more, and there was a case where too much oxygen was put into the sleeping drug and the patient was STILL half-awake when the doctor cut her open and she said she could feel everything! then there was the case where the patient took a sniff and he got knock out instantly, he never woke up and soon died. T_T i’m scared, i don’t want all that to happen to me! i don’t want an operation but i know i need one but i don’t want to die!
2: since the interior hurts, and still does even after 20 years, heck one of the main reasons why i refuse to wash it before was because that it hurts whenever the interior is touched and it hurts so bad that screaming is not enough to calm the pain, so even if i manage to find the guts to do the operation to remove the outer skin, when the operation is finish i’ll have another thing to deal with; when the outer skin is gone, wouldn’t…the interior…basically just come in contact with everything? and then wouldn’t that hurt like hell? all life long?
i’m sure when the surgeons operate on it i’ll be sound asleep and it wouldn’t hurt, but when i wake up then what? without the outer skin, wearing boxers could hurt me to death, this is also another reason why i don’t want to do an operation.
first of all, thank you for reading this, you might think i’m joking but i’m not, the reson why i ask you insted of a qualified doctor is because the doctor i know is a dear friend of my gramma and he already heard about what i’m going though and actually paid a visit to my home recently, he ask me about it and when i tried to run away he grabbed me and refuses to let me go, but i broke free and i never went to see him ever again, nor had i seen any other doctor.
moderators please don’t remove this, i really need everyone’s advice, i’ve waited for 20 years and i’m still contending weather to do the operation or not, due to the 2 main reasons i describe above. please don’t remove this thread i beg of you! i only want ppl’s advice on this since i don’t have anyone else to talk to about this, my father is gone, and i have noone left. if i can’t get any replies here then there’s noone else i can to turn to, i don’t want to do the opreation, but i don’t want IT to get any worst and i have heard some ppl went on with their life with the same problem and they’re ok, so i want to know, the truth i’ve been seeking for 20 years; is it alright if i just leave it as it is? and what about 2 of my worries above?
thank you so much for reading this, please give me your best advice, encouragements are welcome too, i know in the end i will be the one resopnsible for making the critical decision, i won’t blame any of you or held anyone here respondsible for anything, you kind advice is everything i need. thank you for your kind and generous help.
thank you, thank you.