Senior Joke Time

vbimport

#1

This is funny. Had to enlarge it to read it. :bigsmile:


#2

Good one skoville. I wondered why I got all those tickets.:wink:


#3

The maintenance man died where we live, both of us named Mike. As we sat at the Senior Center eating a meal they announced that “I” had just passed away. No one turned around, looked, or even said anything.
:rolleyes:


#4

[QUOTE=skoville;2757397]The maintenance man died where we live, both of us named Mike. As we sat at the Senior Center eating a meal they announced that “I” had just passed away. No one turned around, looked, or even said anything.
:rolleyes:[/QUOTE]
That sounds horrible, but unfortunately a bit understanding as well. I can image there is lots of … ‘passing throughs’ at a certain age.

My grandparents lived the last years of their life in a retirement home and both the undertaking business as the graveyard were very pretty close nearby. Couldn’t help but thinking how incredibly convenient optimal that was for all three business models.


#5

So I finally landed a job as a Wal-Mart greeter, which is a good find for many retirees, unfortunately I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.” “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”
So I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, madam. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.


#6

alan1476

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.
1 Week Ago 07:55

Either that, or like me, having a hard time adjusting to being retired.:eek:


#7

[QUOTE=skoville;2758602]alan1476

Either that, or like me, having a hard time adjusting to being retired.:eek:[/QUOTE]
I am in my mid 70s, I am used to being retired. LOL.:wink:


#8

You’ve got a few on me, but I love getting up in the morning and saying “I’ll do that tomorrow.” When we first retired it took a while to get used to a budget. We had to pawn the TV the last week in the month for four months. LOL Just adjustments.


#9

[QUOTE=alan1476;2758603]I am in my mid 70s, I am used to being retired. LOL.;)[/QUOTE]

I’d like to be used to being retired but unfortunately they won’t let me! :bigsmile:

[B]Wombler[/B]


#10

John and another elderly man was sitting chatting at the quay in a fjord when John said “Look at all the boats here, I built each and every one of them with my own two hands, but do they call me John the boat builder? No!”.
He then pointed at numerous mountain pastures visible in the distance and said "I built alt those as well, but do they call me John the carpenter? No!"
He became silent for a while staring at the fjord and then quietly added “then I fucked just one sheep”.

:bigsmile:


#11

Little Johnny is the smartest kid in the class and always finishes his tests before everyone else.

To keep him from disturbing the others, the female teacher say to him:

  • Johnny, you are so good, I will have to ask you another question. Five birds are sitting on a wire. You have a shotgun and shoot one of them, how many is left?
  • None, Johnny replies.
  • What you mean, none?
  • Well, one of them falls to the ground and the others get scared and fly away.
    The teacher nods a little reluctantly.
  • The answer really should have been four, but I do like the way you think.

A little later Johnny puts his arm up.

  • Yes Johnny.
  • Teacher, can I ask you something?
  • By all means.
  • O.k. three ladies have bought themselves icecream. One is licking, the other is biting, and the third is sucking on the icecream. Who is married?
    The teacher blushes.
  • Eherm, could it be she who sucks it?
  • No teacher, that is she who wears the ring, but I do like the way you think.

:bigsmile: