Alright, I knew I needed to explain further.
Her family objected to her marriage. It seemed as if they wanted her to remain with them forever till death. Moreover, she always seemed to be uninterested in love and marriage even though she clearly wanted both deep inside her hearts. Several years ago, she was going to marry a guy about whom I know nearly nothing. They had dated for years until the guy's family said NO. They objected her because they thought she was more disabled than him, according to what she told me a few months ago. After that, she gave up.
She also told me again and again that she would "go away" from me if I told her anything about marriage and love. I was very much in love even before then and I was decided to take care of her forever. It remained another secret until I felt confident enough to risk saying it. Finally, I suggested that she leave her home and live with me. It had been her home for well over 30 years. It was her father's home and also her grandfather's home. She cannot walk alone, not even on a wheelchair. In South Korea where disabled people are looked down upon like some things lower than other species of non-human animal and discriminated more than foreigners (foreigner itself in the Korean language is somehow a dirty word when spoken by the average South Koreans in their daily language), it is just too dangerous to leave home without protection, personal, physical, and intimate. We then agreed upon her leaving her home to live with me without telling anyone. It was dangerous to do so. We both risked many things very important in the South Korean social system. The decision was easier on me because I already gave up being admitted in the family I was part of in 1989 when I also dropped out of the high school right after the many political-academic events in Gwangju early in the year.
What love is was not a question to myself. I know what love means to myself and it has been that way for about 25 years. As I said before, love means a different thing to every person on the planet. Someone will say it is a shared affection and the feeling of togetherness among all living and non-living things in the whole spacetime and beyond. Someone else will say it is a desire to fulfill one's sexual needs. I believe both are right.
I cannot force or persuade the millions of contemporary South Koreans sharing this land with us to respect foreigners, youths, the disabled, the poor, and other unfairly discriminated individuals and groups of individuals in a very short time. But I wanted to have at least one or two friends to share my ideas and ideals for life.
Since schools, governments, friends, super markets, subways, buses, airplanes, lawyers, parents, relatives, online forum members, and even her intercast (internet + broadcast) listeners discriminated her because of her legs (it was confirmed she got cerebral palsy in 1974), she automatically feels everyone should. I try a lot to change that. I spend time with her literally for 24 hours. I bought a car even though I never had a driver's license for the reason I wrote some weeks ago here since it is too miserable and dangerous (a few days ago another disabled person was killed on the subway rail in Seoul) to ride the Seoul-Inchon subway and subway is the safest and most available type of mass transit in South Korea. I rented a clean, new, and large apartment on the first floor next to a large park because that was exactly what she wanted and needed. Of course, I gave up the job I was doing and also gave up running the DVD Writer website. For all that and more, she still fears that I might like her less for her body. She once or more said she wanted to cut off her legs. I would have if I were her. It is almost impossible for her to do sexual intercourse and have a baby in conventional ways. In South Korea, life becomes very untolerable for most women not to be able to give birth to a child. It alone can be and is a popular reason to demand divorce and more.
I was going to tell the complete story sometime anyway. To make it not any longer, that's all what I can say for now. What I decided was I will help her "disabled" body and mind evolve to the most abled just as I survived to make myself better than those who've tried to destroy me. These days, I am (again) preparing for the new business (I'm the founder-owner) I can do staying 24x7 at home-office with her (and my very nice friends) and studying the latest technologies and products and the recent changes in the US government policies related to equal accessibility. Perhaps I want to make wheelchairs with built-in HDTV and DVD writers proliferate.
Don't worry about whether I cannot express love in the way she wants and expects. I'm confident I can feel and read people's minds and thoughts relatively very well. Though I may sound very inhuman and calculating in boards like this, I am always sensitive and accomodating to others that have not challenged my life too often. I always emphasize to her that we are "one mind same body" (popular and traditional Chinese-Korean phrase). I say "I love her" at least a few times every day though she always says it many times more. It is just that she feels too sorry and afraid that her body becomes automatically rigid and her face shows the life-old sadness even when she drops chopsticks on the floor (she trembles always and has weak and malfunctioning fingers) or hurts my arms or legs (since she cannot control and direct her legs, toes, hands and other parts precisely the way she wills).