Sorry for late reply, help much appreciated.
1)How long does it take Windows to start up?
A few minutes, often alot of hanging.
2)How long does it take normal applications to launch?
Same case as above.
3)Are there a lot of apps running in the background?
I don't know what's normal and what's alot, I can make a list if you want (my brother has it at the moment, I'll get him to tell me).
4)Can you use it to watch any sort of videos, either local files or a website (YouTube, etc)? At what resolution/quality?
No, way too much lag. Resolution is 1024x800 I think - it has the option of only that and a lower resolution but changing it to the lower one doesn't improve performance.
5)Does it run out of RAM?
Loading up a new application often results in a full RAM spike to max (2GB, not upgradable any further), although I will check again with my bro and get him to drop it off at mine.
6)How much free space remains on that well-aged PATA SSD?
I've made sure that there is enough space; they say you should have at least 15% free and that is definitely the case.