*Men's Rules (that women should know)*

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping.

Source

And it’s very funny… and true… :slight_smile:

ok DJ .now you have that off your chest…your off ‘my’ list…hee hee j/k but i’m sure theres a lil sense of truth to each of those…but to be perfectly honest…we also have a few rules your unaware of…

Women’s Rules for Men

  1. The Female always makes the Rules.
  2. The Rules are subject to Change at any time without prior notification.
  3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules
  4. If the Female suspects the male knows all the Rules, she must immediately change some or all of the Rules.
  5. The Female is never wrong.
  6. If the Female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male said wrong.
  7. If Rule #6 applies the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
  8. The Female may change her mind at any time.
  9. The Male must never change his mind without the expressed written consent of the Female.
  10. The Female has the right to be angry or upset at any time.
  11. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
  12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
  13. The Male is expected to read minds at all times.
  14. Any attempt by the Male to document the Rules could result in bodily harm.
  15. If the Female has PMS all the Rules are null and void!
  16. The Female is ready when she is ready.
  17. The Male must be ready at all times.
    source

DJMind,

there is truth here.

very good and mostly true

and I have those rules memorized now BabyGirl :wink:

Absolutely right DJMind,
100% true

These are the one i find the most true… well for me at least!

\\VH////
:slight_smile:

You forgot number 18 :slight_smile:

  1. A female only keeps a male around, because a vibrator can’t buy a round of drinks or cut the grass.:stuck_out_tongue:

Yo-

WOW!!!

All of these (Male and Female) are SO true to life - LMAO

Mike

BM, could be,eh?

SOOOOOO right girlie… :iagree:

What is so hard about the toilet seat? Hmmm. Guys need it up, so we take the whole whopping .6 seconds to put it up. We also look to see if it is up before we start peeing. Women don’t. I’ve heard the excuse “Well I don’t want to go in to use the restroom, sit down and fall in.” so many times it makes me sick. Look at the seat! It’s not difficult. You wouldn’t cross the street without looking both ways, would you??? And why is it so hard to put the seat down for a woman? It takes less effort for a woman to put it down than for a man to pull it up. A simple pull on the top and gravity takes care of the rest. If you make us put it down for you, you should put it up for us. We put it down as a FAVOR for you, do us the favor of putting it up.

Sorry to sound angry but it really does bug me all the nagging about something simple.

And why can’t most people in the us say nuclear correctly? People pronounce it nuke-u-ler its new-clear. God.

Rant off.

Women!!! Toilet seat goes down WITH THE LID. That way I don’t have to dig my comb out of the Damn Toilet. Thank You!! :a

Well don’t drop it in the toilet, same with trashcan or anywhere else you don’t want it :stuck_out_tongue:

Isn’t it funny, DJMind sounds maried or comited (a female invention cause all men are sluts, if they admit it or not), and ss is defanatlly single (and probably a little more chaste that the average male slut in real life!!! We always play the games but they are diffrent if it’s long term. DJMind’s rules would never work if you are dating (plan on geting laid, NEVER). But from the married point of mind (I have already had you many times, what is so special about you that I should always be wrong and bow down and kiss your ass??? As far as the tiolet seat??? If you havent gotten any yet, beter not forget something so important!!! If you have been married for years, just be glad I didn’t piss on it (and if I did be glad it was just a few little accidental drops, we pee standing up after all). If you accuse me of pissing on the toilet seat, I might actually piss on it tp prove you right (works if you are married and have a good relationship).

ripit…i could say something here that would totally blow you away :smiley: …but i’ll refrain myself…as for the toilet seat i don’t care what ya do with it…to it …or on it. :wink: …i’ve got 3 bath rooms…you take one …I’ll use one…and the other can be for guests… :bigsmile:

Your message is too short to post (corection: Balls)

Feel free to blow me away!!! I don’t like girls that refrain (please don’t refrain SS)!!!
In all seriousness though, after spending the last two hours typing the post you shurly see, I’m sure we can both agree, I’m too drunk to be posting!!!

See, thats what happens when you drink tequila!!!