The title says it all. It was a doomed marriage attempt in the beginning and long, long before that beginning. I am still not fully sure what I really wanted to achieve, or what I wished for myself. I have never successfully completed a suicide attempt. I have two malformed fingers in the left hand now. A scalpel is always at the bottom of one of the monitors, but the No. 15 blade is not the kind of ones shaped to make deep enough cuts to slice down any of the arteries in the forearm.
I got a new job along with a new girlfriend. She refuses to marry, and refuses to marry anyone. The job is clear and straight. I localized nearly 30,000 words to Korean during the weekend. I was worried during most days of April and early May regarding those two fingers since I could not bend or straighten them and any attempt to type even only with the right hand was painful, literally. But I made more than 10 cuts in the fingers, nearly 100 cuts in the left forearm and left hand combined, not for suicide. I wanted to make this life more difficult to persist by disabling one of the hands, or at least a few fingers. At some other times, I did attempt suicide, but that’s another story. At least, I can translate 20,000 words in one day again. It’s not a good speed by Western standard. Many of the English speakers around the world can speak 20,000 words in two hours. Some of you reading this can speak 30,000 words in one hour. But it takes many more processes to localize English to presentable Korean within the given file formats optimizing for online TM.
None of the above was a result of careful and sane planning. I got the - this present - girlfriend by accident because she was the one that stopped me from doing more cuts. For four hours with 8 Stilnox pills in the stomach, I was working on the left forearm testing the two knifes I had bought at a local Emart store. Of course, I could not remember much of what happened during that afternoon. My No. 1 brother and mother were present in the hospital.
A human body always tires, forgets, decays, fails, and ultimately dies. It never actually grows because all things about being human are predestined. Only on the surface do we find the products of progress, humane or not, by machine or by human, purposefully or accidentally. Surface was the lastet thing of such a nature. HP Envy TouchSmart 14’s 3,200 x 1,800 is much better than 1,920 x 1,200 on the Surface, but I can buy only the less resolute machine in Korea for now. Or, does it make the life of a casual human even more transient and obsolesent?