To be honest, this story would have fooled me as the movie industry and record labels have already tinkered with most of what the story covers:
DivX - Discs and players had to registered and these discs could only be played in the players they were registered to. To play a disc elsewhere, a fee had to be paid for.
Super Audio CD - No PC support and no support for existing CD players (car stereos, etc.) apart from hybrid discs. Digital audio output requires DSD compatible hardware due to its DRM, much like how Ultra HD Blu-ray requires HDCP 2.2. Otherwise output is limited to analogue output.
Combine these two formats and you have most of what this April Fool's covers.