Q: What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?
A: It’s rectum.
Just kidding!!!
…next…?
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
Q: What do you call a wiener dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter, he won’t come!
(we need a “badaboom” drum .gif here)
Q: Where is the best place for one-legged women to work?
A: I-Hop!
Q: What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
A: Hop in!
Q: What do you call a quadroplegic laying in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel!
Q: What do you call a quadroplegic laying on your front porch?
A: Matt!
What’s just kidding without some blond jokes
Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything? A: Penicillin. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she’s pregnant. A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, “I slept with a Brazilian…” The blonde replies, “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?” Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? A: Last year’s hide-and-go-seek winner. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar. Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row. Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in her ear? A: “Thanks for the refill!” Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair? A: They pull up their pants. Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof? A: Tell her drinks are on the house. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: To keep their ankles warm.
Q: How do you know a blonde was using your computer?
A: White-Out on the screen.
Q: What does a blonde say after sex?
A: “Are all you guys on the same team?”
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a mirror on the bottom of a pool.
Two blondes were walking along when one looked down and said, “Those are deer tracks”. The other replied, “No, those are bear tracks”. Just about then, the train hit them.
Cross the Road… One-Handed Man
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Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.
Cross the Road… Turkey
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Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because he wasn’t a chicken.
Blonde’s Appendicitis
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A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, “You have acute appendicitis.”
The blonde says, "That’s sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
Beautiful?
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There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!†and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!†Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful†it was “cute.†She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!â€
Ah, I was wondering when the lawyer jokes would start.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead snake in the road?
A: The snake has skid marks in front of it.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dung?
A: The bucket.
Q: What do you call 1000 lawyers on the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: What does it mean having 5 layers up to their neck burried in sand?
A: There was not enough sand