I did not need to imagine what it feels like being cheated before I met her. It was a first for me in April this year. The girl told me “we had not sex” (she knew I knew she was on the bed with a visitor for nearly 24 hours), but the worse part was the unidentified visitor could have been someone I’d known for years and would have done dirty enough things to destroy my relationship with her.
After months of reflection, I dismissed everything. She was the one that told me to go to hell (well, meaning to kill myself) and she was also the one who saved me from doing further damages (I was already bleeding a lot while under the power of those pills.)
I trusted her so thoroughly that I actually believed in her words more than I believed my own, but then the self-hatred was always deep and near final by the time I met her in person.
She was good enough to tell me in later days that it was not her intention to encourage suicide.
Cheating was not her worst aspect. After all, I gave up trying to understand and trying to understand insanity and lack of principles.
I was not really against cheating (and I don’t call it cheating) as I preferred self-determination. I would have done little to nothing to prevent my ex-wife from having a second guy (or first to make me the next) as long as it does not threaten my role as the husband, but it was practically impossible for her because of the various disabilities caused by palsy. Would it have been different if she were working on her own?
Life’s better than sex and a healthy life’s better than one with palsy. One can cheat and one can be cheated mostly because there’s time, money, and healthy working legs and penises and fingers. I suppressed thinking about any other aspect in relationship - including love.
So the first thing everytime I felt when I hear people facing divorce or just months after divorce caused by cheating on the other part, or both, and I heard such stories thousands times personally, was you have to bless your cheating and being cheated.
I don’t understand why people cheat in romantic or family relationship, but I also don’t understand why people cheat in school exams and in businesses and it’s more difficult to understand people allowing themselves to do physical violence on others. If one really thinks one’s own one life’s so special and sacred and has to be protected from being physically abused and cheated in relationship, the best way’s probably to arm oneself with contracts in various forms, of which purchasing land and employing private troops and secret agents and laywers and marriage is also a form of contracts with threats to send the other to jail could be one option. I’m not even good at writing or translating contracts.