Funny double entendres

vbimport

#1

12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British
TV and radio

  1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - “And this is Gregoriava from
    Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”

  2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - “Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
    Gibson comes inside of him.”

  3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - “This is really a lovely
    horse. I once rode her mother.”

  4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - “Ah, isn’t
    that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the
    Oxford crew.”

  5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
    playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
    balls and kisses them …

Oh my god!! What have I just said??"

  1. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team
    Live’ said: “You’d eat beaver if you could get it.”

  2. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
    snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, “So Bob, where’s
    that eight inches you promised me last night?” Not only did HE have to
    leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so
    hard!

  3. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better
    today after a 69 yesterday.”

  4. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
    “There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like
    this.”

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: “Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.”

  1. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
    astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked: “They
    seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in
    his shorts.”

  2. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
    Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: “Some weeks Nick likes to
    use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”

Please post you Favorite one`s :flower:


#2

Through are pretty funny here’s some more

  1. The ladies of the Walnut Street Mission have discarded clothes. They invite you to come and inspect them.

  2. It pays to remember your social obligations. If you don’t go to other people’s funerals, they won’t come to yours.

  3. Traffic Sign: Slow Children Crossing.

  4. Druggist’s Sign: We Dispense with Accuracy.

  5. Police authorities are finding the solution of murders more and more difficult because the victims are unwilling to cooperate with the police.

  6. Testimonial from an insurance firm: My husband and I took out a home insurance policy with your company. In less than a month our house accidentally burned down. I consider it a blessing.

  7. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

  8. Prostitutes appeal to Pope.

  9. Public Service Announcement: Our X-ray unit will give you an examination for tuberculosis and other diseases which you will receive free of charge.

  10. Come to us for unwanted pregnancies.

  11. Lost: Samsonite Briefcase with Eyeglasses

  12. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?

  13. Church Announcement: What is hell? Come to church next Sunday and listen to our new minister!


#3

^^:clap::clap::clap:

(Not a proper double entendre, but…) In Spain I saw a sign advertising a flat for rent in 4 different languages. Unfortunately they made a small typographical error in the French version so it read -

[B]A Lover
For Rent[/B]

(The red traffic light just below didn’t help either :bigsmile:)


#4

This one is an urban legend & false but funny anyway:



#5

Just saw this on a [birdwatching] blog. Sweet lake definitely sounds like a euphamism for something, not so sure about source of stone. :bigsmile:

21/04 : double entry - laguna Dulce & Fuente de Piedra


#6

[B]James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
“What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?”[/B]

‘Winning Post’s’ Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy’s
formidable lead:
“Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees.”

[B]Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards’ tyre choice on World Superbike racing:
“Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wishes he had a hard on now.”[/B]

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race
when he said: “They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions.”

[B] Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
“Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg.”[/B]

Our best source, as ever, is the sports programme… Bobby Simpson, commenting on cricketer Neil Fairbrother’s shot: “With his lovely soft hands, he just tossed it off.”

[B][I]The timeless classic regarding Fanny Craddock making do-rings, the final comment from her husband on the matter:
" I hope all your donught look like Fanny’s"[/I][/B]


#7

^:clap::clap::clap::bigsmile:


#8

From Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix:

“What did he do to you Diddy?.. Was it, was it you know what darling? Did he use his, thing?”