Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees it’s that time of year again. Time to create a thread that will quickly be forgotten, especially by english types who try to ignore the ESC as much as possible. This year they’ve sent an especially poor song, surely due to their asshat commentator Terry Wogan ruining the competition for decades. To see the horrible ripoff of Pandora’s No Secrets, a song that was bad enough back in 1999, it’s here
Schoooch (Shooo would be better) - Flying the Flag (for You! (insert Izzardesqe flaghumor here)). Lucky for little Britain you have a standing place in the final. Lucky for us as well as we’ll only have to listen to that abomination once.
After Lordis victory last year alot of countries have understood that it’s important to have a good show. Switzerland tries to catch on by sending a tune with an aggressive name and. I hope, some sort of show. Vampires are alive. And here I thought Vampires are by default dead. Anyways, the song does not even remotely live up to it’s aggressive title. Also, listening to it makes me think of Darth Vader, but even that cant save it from it’s own futility.
Bulgaria is a funky place, where half of the population works in the pornography business. Perhaps due to this, they send a rather good song. It’s Elitsa with Voda. For being ESC, it’s almost trance. And they have a good looking girl from Eastern Europe. Cant beat that.
Israel, who is in this competition for reasons beyond my comprehension, chose to send something terrible as always. a song about nuking Iran. Even though the idea might be sound to some people with long curled hair, the sound this tune makes is horrible.
Iceland, home of cars with enormous tires and EVE Online, have dragged out their old hero Eirikur with Ã‰g les Ã lÃ³fa Ã¾Ãnum. They have their own little letters there and the song is… I dunno. Nothing insulting to say about it so lets move on.
Spain have re-invented backstreet boys and their song is… well, perfectly acceptable if you are a female age 13.
Portugal have Shakira in their ESC-trailers but the real winner is not Shakira-material. Lets say this song doesnt motivate me to write these pesky URL-tags. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE4aBaMVTC8 there you go. I bet they found that song in some old cabinet. Along with old man Caligari perhaps.
Speaking about Shakira, Croatia is sending an unusally bad copy. Geeze, I typed URL but cant figure out anything clever to put here.
Denmark tries hard to revitalize their old image of an open and accepting society by sending a transvestite. It’s actually rather good, in a transvestite way.
Us Swedish peeps have completely lost it this year and sent The Ark, usually a quality group but the song they chose for this endeavour is utter rubbish. Dont blame me, I didnt vote for it.
Here it is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnxR9YVIJLA
On a completely different note, Ukraine have totally got this competition and their Verka Serduchka is some sort of (male?) grandmother in a spacesuit, singing polka, and shouting in german. It’s brilliant! Will Ukraine do it again? I wouldnt be suprised if they do
Poland has a song in. I got bored and didnt listen after 1/3rd into it.
Lithuania is pronounced Littunii in french and they think it’s some sort of world cup in lounge music. Boooooring.
Evridki of Cyprus managed to make a song solely made up of a looping refrain. It’s not half bad, I give her that. Too bad her charisma is the size of a small dog. I stole that from Jeremy Clarkson. You are an uneducated lot and wont understand what this link is to if I dont confuse you by not telling you in the link title. Sorry about that, I did take medication. Who are you?
Alright we’re back (and by we I mean I) and there’s plenty of countries left, mostly thanks to the soviet union splitting up in 1991. But before we head east again we’ll south to Greece, where they invented the concept of islands. Sorbel reminds me of an icecream. The song is average pop.
Belgium secretly invented the black hole and as a nation have been sucked back to 1976 (any relation to Life on Mars is purely circumstantial), and therefore they voted for a groovy man. Song makes me want to cover myself in sand.
Malta has a song but I cant listen to it due to crappy broadcasting.
[b]Armenia[/b] plans to sedate Europes population in order to steal our beelzebubs.
Romania is pretty catchy. In a slow sort of way.
IRELAND deserves capital letters because they seem to lack all forms of self distance. They have decided to send the exact same song they sent the previous year. And the year before that. And before that. It’s so clichÃ© it makes me dematerialize into a little poddle on the floor. To top it all off they’ve added some riverdance. GEEZE, WE’VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.
Singer gives me a headache. End of the clip tho features a man who says the truth. “I really dont like none of them”.