I’ve always liked this email, sent to everyone at the university by a buddy of mine who is one of their network gurus:
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having actually been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said “Call 911!” But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled “Good Times, Join the crew!”
He knew it wasn’t a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Neiman Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It’s true-I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV- infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, “Welcome to the world of AIDS.” Luckily, he was only a few blocks from the hospital -the one, actually, where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x’s and o’s in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck, but forward it to only ten people you will only have ok luck, and if you send it to less than ten people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without his headlights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Psst! By the way, it’s a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.
Does the above sound familiar? Have you read several of these in your personal email? Odds are that if you haven’t received these tidbits yourself you have at least heard your friends talk about them.
Internet hoaxes may seem just an annoyance at first, but they do tend to cause network congestion and confusion if perpetrated and propagated. Most of these hoaxes attempt to get you to send a number of copies (“send this warning to everyone you know . . .”, “send 10 copies to others to get good luck . . .”) . If you send ten messages, and each of those people send ten messages, and each of those…
It’s easy to see how such email can multiply very quickly. This multiplication results in slow networks, mail servers that clog up or crash, and a general waste of time as people deal with the messages and the results. The Data Security Team at the University of South Carolina takes a dim view of those that spread Internet hoaxes through the network. Faculty, staff and students alike owe it to their peers and colleagues not to fall victim to such tactics.
To be part of the solution and not the problem, please check out the Internet Hoaxes web page. This is an easy way to keep from spreading waste, fear, and panic through the Internet.
P.S. - If you get this message via email, don’t open it because…