Dating sites

vbimport

#1

To some this may come as a surprise, but I am really an insecure person when it comes to relationships… People have tried to help me and push me in certain directions…

After I got this book about dating for my birthday (Thanks guys, you know who you are :wink: ), I finally decided to take the next step and registered myself with a Dutch dating site.

I read all kinds of stories about online dating sites. There are of course freaks, imposters and other people that are better disregarded who join such sites. When I look at certain people’s pictures, I cannot imagine they would sign up…they have the looks and I cannot imagine they don’t have the time to go out and look for a partner. But then again, it could be a real time saver…one of the reasons I signed up myself.

But, this is already getting a longer story than I had intended it. I was just wondering how you feel about dating sites…have you any experience with them you would like to share? Any tips?

Feel free to reply :wink:


#2

A Dutch dating site = CDFreaks.com. :slight_smile:


#3

Lol …


#4

Don’t have any experiences with them but I think it’s a good start for you! I have read some things about these sites and I would recommend one where you need to pay a small amount of money each month so there are more ‘real’ people in the database.

How is the book? :wink: :cool:


#5

Signed up with Lexa on a free account for now…

And the book was useful…as you can see above :wink:


#6

There are reasons that good lookers - generally speaking - may sign up:

  1. They share an insecure outlook to relationships in the same way that you feel you do.

  2. They may be wanting a quick way out of their current way of life.

  3. They perhaps have an elevated opinion of themselves so much that they need the internet to find a good enough partner.

  4. They may have a vocation that doesn’t allow much time for socialising.

  5. They are shy, sensitive or have psychological problems or any combination of these… indeed it may be any combination of everything. We are all unique.

You don’t need anyone else to suggest how to pick a partner because only you know what’s best for you. But when you think about it, you have nothing to lose really. If you pick someone and it doesn’t work out, so what? Move on. Plenty more fish in the sea.

In picking a partner though, you always have to bear one thing in mind: living with someone is another thing entirely from going out with someone. Having the perfect emotional and practical relationship is the holy grail of relationships but most are a compromise. Bear that in mind when you get the girl of yer dreams! :slight_smile:


#7

I say, go out to the pub more often and relax, speak to a lot of people (not all about PC’s) that way, if the right lady comes along you will have more to speak about. BTW, i’m half pissed just now & didn’t speak to any ladies tonight :frowning: as the girlfriend wouldn’t like it :bigsmile:


#8

I don’t mean anything in an offensive way as a way of trying to put you down and falsely elevate myself, I am just trying to say what is practical for you to consider.

Firstly I would not assume people have posted fake pictures. If a person put fake pictures on it would just cause problems for them when you came to meet in real life, you can imagine it would not be a good start for a relationship. If it is somebody WAY overboard (like say they posted a picture that looked like it was a professionally taken picture of a porn actor) I would take it as a joke, or enquire that they send more pictures. People who fake pictures often just Google something generic, so they are unlikely to be able to produce other plausible photos. Of course the only way to make sure is either to view there webcam, or to meet in person. I would probably recomend viewing there webcam fairly early on, to make sure your not giving yourself false hope that will just lower your self- further. I know not everybody has a webcam, but its certainly worth asking.

Remember that internet dating isn’t just for people that are desperate. Very large proportions are perfectly attractive people that would have no problem finding somebody in “real life”. Of course, what the picture is like doesn’t sum up about this person all that well. However attractive a person is physically, if they have a bad personality people won’t stay with them for long. People generally don’t care much about personality to start with, but after a few weeks it will start to make them less desirable to be with. You could well find that the person is as attractive as they say, but is really not nice at all. There are some people on there that just don’t like what there is locally, or have had bad experiences with local people and wish to form a external relationship, completely separate from the rest of there life. My guess is that some people on there just want to see how many responses they get, just to feel good about themselves when they see there is a bunch of people interested in them.

If I where you I would just post a good, honest, photo of yourself. I recommend taking a photo slightly from the side; people seem to look more attractive slightly from the side, look at the angle most professional pictures of people are taken from. A bad mug shot that looks like its for a passport photo with you staring blankly at the camera with a fake smile wont attract many people at all, even if you are a attractive person. I wouldn’t try and over-sell yourself; this will make you look very desperate. But if you under-sell yourself you will look self-pitiful, and women don’t like that either. If you tell people you think you are unattractive, or give signs that you think you are, they will start to pick out the bits of you that you just told them to, and focus on that, disregarding all the good things about you.

I’m not sure if this is how all dating sites work, but I know there are some where you see the profile, click “Yes” or “No” to “Would I Like To Meet The Person”. If you and the other person both click “Yes” it will send a e-mail to both of you saying that you are both interested in each other. This means that both people feel safe that the other person likes them back, which saves on all the trouble when getting to know somebody thinking “will they like me back?”.

I think for you personally, once you have dated one person on the internet you will be much more confident in yourself that people can like you back. This may even enable you to meet new people “in real life”. But my only worry is, if you feel uncomfortable about meeting women in real life, why do you think it will be easy on the internet? You still have to meet them for real, you would still need some self-confidence with them. The fact they have already agreed to meet you is a factor in boosting your confidence with them, but if it really low anyway, you may not be much different. By showing signs of paranoia (ie, are all the pictures fake?) that they are just there to trick you, and don’t really like you back, I would guess that you would still find it hard with them.

What is it that you think prevents you in the real world, is it that you see yourself as ugly? Or is it that you just you find it hard to talk with them on a romantic level?

Ok, last question. Be honest, out of 10, how would you rate how attractive you are to women? 10 being the best. I know all things are relative, so lets just say for example, Brad Pitt is 10, that thing on kwkard’s avatar is 1, 5 is the average man you see walking down the street.

As a 14 year old kid I probably don’t know what I am talking about. And half the stuff I have said isn’t necessarily going to be relevant to you. I am sure allot of people will come up with other good suggestions.

Good luck,

Ben :slight_smile:


#9

I met my wife from an online dating site. And she is most definately a keeper. Only alkies are at bars. I have found that by chatting with people online, you can learn a lot more about them, in a shorter period of time. People seem to have less inhibitions when you aren’t face to face, and they seem to feel safer, knowing that they have nothing to lose, because you don’t know exactly who they are or where they are. But there are definately a lot of posers out there, and many people post really old pictures, or doctored photo’s. I look at it as it’s a good way to meet a lot of people in a short period of time. Then you just have to start weeding out the phonies.


#10

:bow: :bow: :bow:
I wish I could give you some proper advise:” but I can’t”.
All I can say is that !:” I love you” :bow: :bow: :bow:
See ya in hell, mate [supposed to be a compliment] :bow: :bow: :bow:


#11

I don’t have first hand experience with dating sites, but a friend of mine has an account on www.relatieplanet.nl and found a girlfriend within two months after he registered. And, as he puts it, it is for real.

Come to think of it, I really should create an account myself there… :slight_smile:

Edit:
Just wanted to add this link: http://www.nothingisreal.com/girlfriend/.
I guess dating sites give you better odds. :iagree:


#12

Many sites actually use there most attractive members on say the first pages, and do everything they can to make sure you see them first. So really they are not a true representation of the people on that site. They are there to give people in a sense false hope, and to get people to subscribe to there site.


#13

I met Numbers online…and i must say it was the best thing in the world for me…Tax you just need to open up and relax…most people are using the internet these days because they don’t like going to bars …so go with it…who knows there might be a dutch woman that loves taxes…:smiley:


#14

I would think it best not to mention that right at the start.


#15

Well I admire your balls… I couldn’t do it just because I AM that insecure… but if The Worst Comes To The Worst…


#16

Aye … tis the way of the future.

Most people are now sick of Bars … just cos there’s so many slags out for a “Meaningful Overnight Relationship”, that they outnumber the normal people. Not that it’s a bad thing, if you are that way inclined.

Might be an idea to keep your Home/work address secret for a few weeks, until you know her better, just in case you find a psychotic one :wink:


#17

You admire his balls!?!?! LMAO, I still crackin’ up. God, I am so immature.

Tax…just go get’em…If love and life were so simple…why were prearranged marriages so popular…oh, wait a minute…now I remember…nevermind

Happy hunting…um…I mean good luck.


#18

I answered an ad in the personals section of our local rag and she ended up being fat.


#19

Are you saying i’m a piss head :bigsmile:
If there’s alkie’s at the bars you go to, change bars :wink:

My thoughts were, after a couple of drinks (not after a bucket full) you tend to be more relaxed, speak more easily to them :flower: .

If you don’t speak to any ladies at the bars, then a good bucket full does help :stuck_out_tongue: but not recommended for the next day


#20

I met my partner online, we learnt more about each other than if we had met in a bar or something similar.
There are some weirdo’s out there but no more or less than if you were in a bar or club, online dating is not for all but 3years down the line i dont think i could have met anyone nicer or genuine anywhere else
I am very happy with him and also lucky that it worked out ok.
Also just goes to prove that looks dont play a part in it as i spoke to him for weeks and liked him tons before we did the exchanging of pictures.
If i had met him in a bar i wouldnt have dated him as he wasnt “my type” and i would never have got to know him so would have missed an oppotunity for the happiness i have now.