Computer-scheppingsverhaal

Tis een oudtje, tis in het Engels, maar wel retegoed!

Computer history of the world
In the beginning, God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.

And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big… And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.

And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but do not use Windows.

And God said - It is not good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer’s body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.

And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.

But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?

And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.

And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless–since Windows could replace it.

So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.

And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him–What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered–I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to!

And God said to Bill - Because of what you did, you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.

And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.

And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User, you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.

General Protection Fault

inderdaad een leuk verhaaltje :smiley: :smiley:

het zal me nix verbazen als het echt zo is gegaan…

Zo is er ook nog deze klassieker :

The Conscience of a Hacker

Another one got caught today, it’s all over the papers.
“Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal”,
“Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering” … Damn kids. They’re all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950’s technobrain,
ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker?
Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him,
what may have molded him? I am a hacker, enter my world…
Mine is a world that begins with school… I’m smarter
than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me…
Damn underachiever. They’re all alike.

I’m in junior high or high school. I’ve listened to teachers
explain forthe fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction.
I understand it. “No, Ms. Smith, I didn’t show my work.
I did it in my head…” Damn kid. Probably copied it. They’re all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second,
this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake,
it’s because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn’t like me…
Or feels threatened by me… Or thinks I’m a smart ass…
Or doesn’t like teaching and shouldn’t be here…
Damn kid. All he does is play games. They’re all alike.

And then it happened… a door opened to a world… rushing
through the phone line like heroin through an addict’s veins,
an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day
incompetencies is sought… a board is found.
“This is it… this is where I belong…”
I know everyone here… even if I’ve never met them,
never talked to them, may never hear from them again… I know you all…
Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They’re all alike…

You bet your ass we’re all alike… we’ve been spoon-fed baby
food at school when we hungered for steak… the bits of meat that you
did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We’ve been
dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that
had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are
like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now… the world of the electron and the
switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already
existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn’t
run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals.
We explore… and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge…
and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without
nationality, without religious bias… and you call us criminals.
You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie
to us and try to make us believe it’s for our own good, yet we’re
the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity.
My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think,
not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you,
something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual,
but you can’t stop us all… after all, we’re all alike.