lol - Exactly - well said!
Professionals use Sonic Scenarist
However, something that claims to come pretty close at a fraction of the cost, almost a steal, is Mediachance's DVD Lab Pro 2.0 which lets you use the entire DVD specifications.
For simple DVD creation, chaptering, menu creation I would recommend Pegasys' DVD Author 2.0 (formerly DVD Author Pro) - it is easy to use and the results are excellent. (very responsive software)
Whatever you do avoid ULEAD CRAP, stay as far away from that as possible.