Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post)

**geno888** · 26-02-2006

Embedded Images

View/download images and remove advertisements by registering now! (it's easy, free and takes less than a minute)

You must be registered in order view images in this forum.

*james4eva* · 26-02-2006

English Dream Team!

*stroppy* · 27-02-2006

Oh James...that picture. I can't do better, but I'll try to give you LoL.

*james4eva* · 27-02-2006

George Bush's Answer To The World's Press

*james4eva* · 27-02-2006

The Reason Why Man Utd keep losing matches

**platinumsword** · 28-02-2006

Subject: Things My Mother Taught Me

There is so much you owe to your mother - consider these.........

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I am going to knock you into the middle of next
Week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you are not going to the
Store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you are in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I will give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You will sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I have told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
Wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
Way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you will never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You are just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

*james4eva* · 28-02-2006

The Best Toilet/Wash Room In The World ??

*stroppy* · 28-02-2006

The true meaning of Stroppy!

*stroppy* · 28-02-2006

Mummy should have let him lick the spoon!

*james4eva* · 28-02-2006

Oh Shit!

*stroppy* · 01-03-2006

Who wants to be goalie?

*stroppy* · 01-03-2006

James...could you love this cat, I wonder?

burf · 01-03-2006

what's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

u can't wash ur'e hands in a buffalo

Slowdeath · 02-03-2006

An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says,
" I just let a silent fart! What do you think I should do?"

He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!"

*Sexy_Southerner* · 02-03-2006

Heres what a bunch of you guys would look like if super heros came from IT jobs..

**platinumsword** · 02-03-2006

Brokeback Mountain

**platinumsword** · 02-03-2006

Brokeback Mountain 2

**platinumsword** · 02-03-2006

Brokeback Mountain 3

**platinumsword** · 02-03-2006

Brokeback Mountain 4

**platinumsword** · 02-03-2006

Brokeback Mountain 5

**platinumsword** · 02-03-2006

Brokeback Mountain 6

**geno888** · 04-03-2006

ooops

Embedded Images

View/download images and remove advertisements by registering now! (it's easy, free and takes less than a minute)

You must be registered in order view images in this forum.

**geno888** · 04-03-2006

ooops

*Sexy_Southerner* · 04-03-2006

*stroppy* · 04-03-2006

GRANDPA ON THE PORCH

JOKE 1

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on
the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone
to see!" he exclaimed.

The old man looked sadly off in the distance without answering.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the
waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,

"Well...last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck.
This is your grandma's idea
JOKE 2
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me,
do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that
he's on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy
bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and whispers ... " I don't weally fink my pet pyfon gives a
phuk."

26-02-2006	#651
geno888 Senior Moderator, Editor and Guru Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Italy Posts: 29,213	Re: Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post) Embedded Images View/download images and remove advertisements by registering now! (it's easy, free and takes less than a minute) You must be registered in order view images in this forum.

28-02-2006	#656
platinumsword Senior Moderator Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 5,362	Re: Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post) Subject: Things My Mother Taught Me There is so much you owe to your mother - consider these......... 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that this will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I am going to knock you into the middle of next Week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you are not going to the Store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you are in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I will give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You will sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I have told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have Wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that Way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you will never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You are just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you will understand." 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

01-03-2006	#663
burf New on Forum Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 11	Re: Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post) what's the difference between a buffalo and a bison? u can't wash ur'e hands in a buffalo

02-03-2006	#664
Slowdeath New on Forum Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 4	Re: Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post) An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, " I just let a silent fart! What do you think I should do?" He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!"

02-03-2006	#665
Sexy_Southerner Chocolate Aficionado Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6,430	Re: Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post) Heres what a bunch of you guys would look like if super heros came from IT jobs.. __________________ wobble " I like to play "dress up" now and then!" source The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth.There's a lot of lying and these are people who are incredibly flawed, and not in very sort of empathetic ways, either. Some of the things they do are pretty awful and some of the things they do to each other are pretty awful.-Will Arnett Last edited by Sexy_Southerner; 28-12-2007 at 22:36.

04-03-2006	#672
geno888 Senior Moderator, Editor and Guru Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Italy Posts: 29,213	Re: Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post) ooops Embedded Images View/download images and remove advertisements by registering now! (it's easy, free and takes less than a minute) You must be registered in order view images in this forum.

04-03-2006	#674
Sexy_Southerner Chocolate Aficionado Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6,430	Re: Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post) __________________ wobble " I like to play "dress up" now and then!" source The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth.There's a lot of lying and these are people who are incredibly flawed, and not in very sort of empathetic ways, either. Some of the things they do are pretty awful and some of the things they do to each other are pretty awful.-Will Arnett Last edited by Sexy_Southerner; 28-12-2007 at 22:36.

04-03-2006	#675
stroppy MyCE Resident Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Lost in space! Posts: 898	Re: Official Joke and Funnies thread (no joke = no post) GRANDPA ON THE PORCH JOKE 1 A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed. The old man looked sadly off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well...last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea JOKE 2 A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?" The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?" The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers ... " I don't weally fink my pet pyfon gives a phuk." __________________ Stroppy Stroppy likes happiness Stroppy dislikes arrogance Stroppy likes FOOD! Oh the pain, the pain... William! Where is that Bubble-Headed Booby?

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Well I wasnt laughing... (not just another bad joke thread)	bcn_246	Living Room	7	16-12-2005 15:18
How long is a joke?	debro	Living Room	19	10-01-2005 10:09
Key2Audio is a joke	Catbeaver	General Software	1	21-04-2002 20:15
M$-like JOKE	inssane	Living Room	2	25-05-2001 01:08

This page was also found with these words
, 100 format (1h 11hhello world, a heterosexual should never say radio, a penis walks into a bar , anyone for charades dictionary, archers cooler , ‎2 men in a bar one man turns to the other and asks tell me why do you keep pouring beer into your hand? the other man replies i'm getting my date drunk. , beelzebug hentai, blow job revenge joke with stick figure pictures, bold airways